Sovereignty in Sickness and Sadness

As our office comes up on the one year mark of when Dr Perry found out about his cancer, I can feel myself getting overwhelmed with sadness...because I miss him.


I was listening to a song that he liked to listen to in surgery earlier this week. It talked about getting to heaven first, waiting on the far side banks of Jordan. Kind of a bluegrass/gospel song by the Carter family. Really sweet song but sad as it reminds me of someone who's already in heaven that I miss a lot. Needless to say, I cried.
So when I got to work I was REALLY missing him and wishing he was here to talk to, pray with.



God has a way of giving me just what I need at just the right time. I sit down at work, tears still on my face, to check my emails and the short devotional that I get by email every morning messed up my pity party. God is just what I need, when I need. He's the One that comforts in sadness. He heals affliction, pain, sickness. He helps bear the cross. He is all I could ever want.

Wow. Talk about conviction as I want so desperately to see Dr Perry one more time because he was such a rock in my life, to realize that there is only One Rock. One who is greater than I. One who is greater than Dr Perry. One who can give me everything that my heart was desiring.


I had to share that with my coworkers during our devotional because I know that we're all suffering with the same type of broken heart. And then a new conviction hits me!


Someone shares a John Piper story of the sovereignty of God with the landing of the plane in the Hudson all the way to the inauguration of a new president with seemingly dark motives. If God is sovereign in the lining up of geese to fly into the two engines of plane, to the perfect belly landing in a cold Hudson River, to placing a pro-choice president over a nation, could he not be sovereign in healing the emotionally broken heart and healing the physically broken body of a sad, hurting girl? My woes seem kind of mild in comparison, don't you think. Yet He still cares. He still orchestrates all that goes on in my life.



It never ceases to amaze me as I look back and see how God works in my life.

The Gift Of Clumsiness

That's right. I've got the gift.

So I'm at work, in a room with the doctor, patient and patient's husband. I think we're done and I'm unplugging the computer to take it out in the hall with me but my doc decides on an impromptu prayer. I'm ok with that.

So I plug back up the computer and turn to walk to the others to hold hands and pray but...
I trip over the cord and fall into the husband. They all start laughing and asking if I'm ok and I pretty much just want to pray and get out of there so I mumble something unintelligable and bow my head hoping they won't see my red face that seems to be getting redder and hotter as the seconds go by.

And what does my dear doctor do?! He starts his prayer with..."Dear Lord. Thank you for laughter and light moments in times of pain..."
I considered using all my strength to sqeeze his hand that I held in our circle of prayer but he might need it in surgery tomorrow.



Why do I have the gift?! And why do I use it almost every day?!

I Think About Blogging A Lot

I'm always thinking about how I need to blog about this or that thought/occurance/funny story but never sit down and actually type it out. Wonder why that is? I'm not so busy that I can't take 15 minutes of my day to write. I think I'm just...dare I say it?...lazy.


Christmas/New Year's was wonderful. I am so thankful that my immediate family lives near (one brother is about 7 minutes down the road and the other is about 12 minutes). But even though they're near we kept the road hot, let me tell you. I'm convinced that children make holidays so much more enjoyable. I think my favorite quote was my 4 year old niece who wanted to play "Clean Santa" this year instead of "Dirty Santa". Such a doll.

I know that Christmas isn't about the material things but I got one of the best presents EVER!!! I asked for an iPod pretty much since October hoping to get some gift cards to the Apple store to go towards one. Instead, my family bought me one!!! One that holds ALL of the music I have!!

I. heart. my. iPod!!!!! Who knew I such a small item could give me such great happiness.




I have a song running through my head all day. Is that weird? I find myself randomly bursting out in song as I'm walking through the crosswalk to work, bringing stares from all in my path. Do I care? Not really.



I get a mini-devotional every morning by email and earlier this week I got one that stuck with me. It talked about holiness. That's right. Not my forte. I suppose what spoke most to me was that he (J.R.Miller) informed me that holiness begins with my thoughts.

"Unholiness is very subtle. It creeps in when we are not aware. It begins in the heart. At first it is but a thought, a moment's imagination, a passing emotion, or a desire. Hence the heart should be kept with unremitting diligence. Only pure and holy thoughts should be entertained."

I just never took holiness to that extent, thinking in such a shallow way that my actions proved holiness. Knowing deep in my heart that holiness begins so much sooner than what people see. Keeping my thoughts holy, pure....why is it so hard? Why wouldn't I want to think holy?

Oh the struggles.