Contentment

I was catching up on some friends' blogs, wondering why they haven't updated since 2010 (?!). And then it hit me. I haven't updated my blog since 2010. And a lot has happened since then!

It wasn't long after my last blog that The Institute For Creation Research came to Birmingham for a Creation conference...and one of their speakers came to our church to speak as well.

I married him. And we're expecting our first child. :)

Thinking back on the last few years got me thinking even further back to my single years.

It seemed so hard being single at first, especially when you're barely into your 20's.
-You go out with all your friends thinking they might have a mutual friend that's "the one".
-You find time in the week to go to singles groups with other churches. Some are good...some are meat markets...I've got stories.
-You sign up online. Despite that sickening feeling in your stomach that this just does not seem right for me, and boy, do I look desperate. (that ended before it hardly started)
-Family and friends are always trying to set you up, saying things like:
          "His mother says that he's such a sweet guy!"
          "He has a great personality."
          "I've only met him a few times, but he seems nice."
          "I don't think he's related to us?"

Regardless, one or all of those ways may have worked out for you or for someone you know, but not for me. Something changed (though I can't tell you exactly when). Some would say that I gave up. Others said that I wasn't trying enough. But I can tell you what really happened.

I decided to pray about it in a different way. Instead of practically begging God to send me someone, why not align myself with His will and use my single life to serve Him? I had such a desire to be a wife and mother, but if that wasn't what God would have for my life how do I pray?

So I prayed one of the hardest prayers I've ever had to pray. I asked the Lord to take away that desire to be wife/mother if that wasn't His will for me. I still remember how very, VERY hard that was.
     The first time I prayed that, I immediately took it back. Kind of like a "not really"..."I didn't mean it".
     The second time...same thing, making sure that I didn't actually pray it out loud. For some reason out loud seems more real.
     But the more I prayed the more I knew that I had to give over my desires and ask God what He would have for me. And it got easier.

I can't explain the contentment I felt. Knowing that I was free from trying to make work what I wanted to work and instead, letting Him do a work in me--so sweet!

And what's even sweeter is that God never took that desire from me. I still had it. It just wasn't always on my mind.

I suppose you're thinking that it's easy for me to say all this now that I'm married and expecting. I can truthfully say that it was easy for me to say when I typed my last blog. So many just assume you aren't content and can't be content unless you're married. But I know better. 

It still frustrates me to hear 18, 20, 22 year olds saying that they'll never get married. Ever. So dramatic.
But I try to remember those days and how hard it was. When you've found contentment and peace in God and His will, those days are kind of a blur, you know. 

I encourage you, dear single friend. Give over your desires and be used. It's a sweet, sweet time.


And I'll try...really hard...to keep up on my blogging. :)